Hypocrisy, #1

A Question for India: Why do we want to highly educate our daughters and marry our sons off to less educated ones?

How would you justify your intense love for your daughter, and your not-so-intense love for your daughter-in-law (better put, your son’s wife?) ? Does ‘in-law’ ruin it all? Or is it again some social norm that dictates your social life to not love your son’s wife more than, perhaps the same, as you love your daughter? To every mother in India, how would you justify it?

Isn’t it so double-faced for parents to want their daughters to be happy at their husband’s place, while they fail to maintain the same standards with their daughters-in-law? I believe in the joint family thing. But when it comes to this, I would rather stand on the other side of the street, and not cross.

When we share the same blood with someone, we tend to associate them with the role they’re meant to serve in our lives. If I’m asked to talk about my sister, I would go on to say how wonderful a sister she is, rather than describing her role as a daughter. If you ask me about my dad, I would describe him as the best father in the world, but would fail to describe him as a husband, a son, perhaps a brother. I would rather assume, that since he’s the best dad in the world for me, he’s the best son, the best husband and, the best brother. I might be right, I might be wrong, but honestly, I’ll never know that, until I’m related to him in that way.  It’s weird, I know, to imagine your grandmother to be someone’s daughter. That’s why you fail to see your daughter-in-law as your daughter, you just can’t do that. I wish you could open your horizons beyond. I wish society gave you enough space. Perhaps, society is more like a choker on your neck, than a necklace.

We talk about wanting our daughters to be bold and fearless, to be able to earn her living, to be independent. But why do we call a girl who is as educated as your son, and earns the same as your son, more than qualified to marry him? It doesn’t make sense to me, why would you arrange marriage with someone in the 21st Century, to have her in the house to take care of you and your family? Better get a salaried watchman or a servant for that purpose? Why do you want to subjugate your son’s wife to your son and yourself? Just because someone went through it in the 19th Century, does not mean it’s a norm you need to follow too. I believe in God, in fact I do my prayers everyday. But God, and rules created by him aren’t an excuse to not have your daughters-in-law at par with your sons. God created humans, not to be subjugated by each other.

I think, the question eventually boils down to the definition of marriage. If I ask you to define marriage, how would you do that? And I’m more than just sure, your answer would depend on your role in the society, are you a daughter, a son, a mother, a father, or a brother? Think about it.

I’m glad, we’re heading towards a world where every parent wants his/her daughter to at least graduate college. I’m afraid, every parent-in-law doesn’t aspire the same for their daughters-in-law.



5 thoughts on “Hypocrisy, #1”

  1. Powerfully felt piece of writing. You’ve very nicely voiced your opinion. I hope it reaches out to people, and they understand to decipher it in this way so that we can make the world a better place to live in for all the daughters in law, who in turn are daughters to somebody.

    Liked by 1 person

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